OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
