If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
