i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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