i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
