I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
