So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
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woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
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If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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