Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
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just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
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Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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