Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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