Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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