So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
