So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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