Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
