Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Randomize
