i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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