I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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