it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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