Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
