If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
