he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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