I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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