He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
