He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
