Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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