I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
