If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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