hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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