Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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