God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
