I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
