i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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