i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
