I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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