Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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