she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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