I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
