please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
