talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
