On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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