afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
