Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
