If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
