is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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