It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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