Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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