if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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