He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
