"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
