Ambien. No doubt about it.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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