How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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