I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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