yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
How's work?
Spinning.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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