So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
