I think I won the penis lottery.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize