remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize