i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
