she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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