Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
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I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
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Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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