Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
