five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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