I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
