I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
