ya dads aren't the best wingmen
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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