Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
