is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
