I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
