i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
