Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
