How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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