There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
