can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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