Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
honey bunches of taint.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
