I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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