it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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