Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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