so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
