So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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