u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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