New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
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Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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