Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
